Beyond Motherhood

There are no other pleasant moments than watching my kids playing and become the best of friends with each other. Though it is common for brothers and sisters to fight, but it is also a moment that strengthens their bonding and sometimes a normal fight is necessary for them to grow and learn many things. I know it is upsetting to see and hear when everything goes smoothly and suddenly ruins by their unpleasant attitude such as fighting and that’s where the mummy comes to the rescue.

There is time where I’m undecided whether or not to interfere in a particular situation. So without much talking I would separate the two of them one on the left corner and the other on the right. I would ask them to sit still, no talking and think what they should do next. After a few minutes, it is my boy who initiates the action by saying sorry to my girl, and they become friends again. What a moment! I wonder whether one of them would become a lawyer when they grow up.

Do not answer a fool according to his own folly lest you be like him. Answer a fool according to his folly lest he be wise in his own eyes. Proverbs 26:4-5.

To be wise in your own eyes is not a compliment but a warning. Certainly for parents it is a warning that our actions may lead the fool or naïve ones (our children) to think themselves wise in their own eyes. That is, they think they posses a type of self-sufficient wisdom that they do not posses. Do you have a child who acts in his or her own eyes?

Scenario:

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1. Always listen for feelings underneath the words.
Me : When I have only one child, I excellently did this. Now that I have 3 young kids, sometimes I have a hard time to do it.

2. Allow your positive feelings (love for the child) to take priority over anger.
Me : Hmmm.. I must admit sometimes I over react.

3. Listen, Listen, Listen!
Me : Sometimes it’s hard to listen when two children are talking at the same time while the baby is crying and there are urgent things I need to do.

4. Become aware of your feelings, and express them in “I” messages.
Me : Moderate

5. Don’t participate in an emotional escalation – walk away until you can stay in control.
Me : Yes, I do this when my emotion on high peek. It’s help.

6. Never resort to name calling. (“You dummy!”)
Me : Phew… I can say that I am excellent at this. I Never use name calling.

7. Don’t Judge or size up their character. (“You are so selfish!”)
Me : Moderate.

8. Don’t act superior. (“I told you so!”)
Me : Now I feel guilty. I constantly say this to my kids.

9. Don’t act on assumptions. (“I know exactly what you were doing.”)
Me : I did say this to my son sometimes.

10. Don’t talk more than you listen. (“I’m talking, you listen to ME!”)
Me : Ok… I really need to remind myself to talk less and listen more. 

Pay attention to what I say to my children. My children trust me and believe in what I say. I will not use this trust to manipulate them or to fill my own needs.

What are your challenges as a parents? Happy Beautiful Monday!

Be Aware and Care
I am stating my intention to be a more aware and caring mom/parent.
I am making a commitment to be aware of my words and actions and the effect that they have on my child.
I am willing to be more caring and compassionate whenever possible.

In the promise, what does “Aware” means?
To be aware of our parenting is to watch what effect we have in our communication and in our interactions.
To be aware means to make a choice to “try another way” if what we are saying and doing isn’t working.
To be aware means to make conscious choices for the greater benefit of all involved.

In the promise, what does “Care” means?
“Care” means “to take care” in how we speak and how we act so that we are effective and achieve the most desirable results for the situation.
“Care” means to take that deep breath before we react in an inappropriate way and then ask, “Is this the most effective way to handle this?’
“Care” means to make opportunities to appreciate and be grateful for our children in order to foster the same within.

Phew…Knowing the fact that as a stay at home mom, my own behavior is on show 24/7 at home. I’m taking a deep breath right now praying and hoping that I could make it possible to be aware and care.  I was digging my old files, and I found the above article from my parenting file which I can’t remember where I got it from. What a Beautiful Monday to be reminded.

P A R E N T I N G>

 The Most Valuable Moments in Your Child’s Day
by Rod Robison

Finally, take a few moments to pray for your child. Try to avoid using your prayer as an opportunity to “preach” to your child, but don’t hesitate to mention issues you and your child are working on to your Heavenly Father. He wants your relationship to be the best it can be, so bring Him in on the issue.

Pray specifically for your child rather than try to “pray around the world.” Here are a few ideas of what you can pray for:

Thank God for giving her to you.
Ask Him for guidance for you as you try to be an example to her.
Pray for her future husband that he will grow to be a godly man.
Pray that your relationship with each other will be loving and kind.
Pray that she will “hate the things that God hates and love the things that He loves.”
Pray that she will grow each day to be more and more like Jesus.
I personally believe that no child (even into the teen years) is too old for prayer before bedtime.

It’s easy to miss these very precious opportunities God gives us parents each night. But they slip away all too soon, never to return. So grasp those moments while they’re here. And, more than likely, when your child is an adult he or she will look back at bedtime with Mom and Dad with longing nostalgia.

Rod Robison is Vice President for Development of Family Life Communications Incorporated.